Investing in Ourselves to Invest in Others

“My mom said to me ‘you know, sweetheart, one day you should settle down and marry a rich man.’ I said ‘Mom, I am a rich man.’” — Cher

I’ve grown to find this quote a bit overused as it’s often harnessed as a rallying call for women to build their own material wealth and learn to rely on themselves as a sole provider. Sitting with these words, I find something else — an easy contemplation of the beauty and depth of the self as well as the necessity of self-reliance. I also have stripped away from it the notion of “gender,” the definition of what it means to be “rich,” and how “richness” relates to both spiritual/emotional and physical/material wealth.

While I believe this is absolutely a quote from a specific time in history where taking care of yourself, as a woman, wasn’t a normal occurrence, this isn’t the sentiment I leave with anytime I revisit it:

Self-reliance never goes out of style.

My mom taught me the opposite. Be fiercely independent and remain unafraid and trust yourself. Work hard. Play hard. Love harder. I’m working on adding to this lesson by embracing the unique things that make me, “me;” I’m looking to improve from the core out, I’ll never be done growing; I remind myself daily to be grateful and humble, and often contemplate that no one is responsible for me other than myself.

Most, and hardest of all, is: I’m learning to take no shit, especially my own; to urge myself to stop with the excuses and just make my vision(s) happen. The essence of this quote is about loving yourself and believing that everything you need is right here with you, 24/7/365.

It inspires the realization that there are numerous limitations established and upheld as societal constructs, designed to limit and restrict happiness; one of the biggest lies we have been sold is the definition of success. In considering this quote, we are challenged to contemplate the definition of what it means to be “rich” and the lie that there are individuals who are are socially and naturally positioned for limitless “success.” This is a complete fabrication.

Let’s define “rich,” shall we?

rich /riCH/ adjective
1. having a great deal of money or assets; wealthy.
2. plentiful; abundant.
3. producing a large quantity of something.

Naturally, the first definition is centered on money and assets (of course it is, Google). Moving down the list, it becomes generalized and focused on the sheer quantity of a possession. What actually matters to you — what is it you want more of and how can you stimulate that vision of success? Who do you want to be by your side as you develop, achieve, and realign goals and successes throughout your life?

It is when we invest in ourselves that we invest in others.

I’m learning that what truly drives success, happiness, and vision is an intricate internal balance and dance. We can look to others to help us along the way but it is fundamental to see our family, friends, team, and acquaintances as “a luxury, not a necessity…like dessert.”

This is not to say people are disposable. However, ultimately, it is your own responsibility, sometimes burden, to shoulder as you work towards finding happiness and fulfillment. Perhaps you will have folks who help carry the weight when it becomes too much, but it is on you to respect the boundaries of the people in your life and to ensure that supporting one another is equitable and beneficial for all parties involved.

The minute we begin to align ourselves with people, places, projects, and a spiritual and material vision that support who we fundamentally are, we have — in my mind — started down the path to success. I also do not believe that we are the same person year-after-year (or even day-after-day, really). We develop through experience, contemplation, and exposure to new ideas and thought patterns — the best of us find people who are able to flex with us — who hold up a mirror to lovingly shine back our beauty or to empathetically help fix our flaws.

Contemplation, internal-dialogue, and solitude prepare us for collaborative efforts as we work to stimulate individual and collective growth. Photo: American Girl in Italy, Ruth Orkin (1951)

I am incredibly selective of who I spend my time with. One of my guiding life principles is:

time is a gift for which there is no return receipt

and I give it lovingly, generously, but sparingly. The folks I hold space for have been the very crowd who have supported me (and I, them) in our endeavors to better ourselves, our families/friends, and the communities we live in.

Let’s work together to increase our individual-collective value, aside from a monetary and material fabrication of what “success” is defined as.